apiphile: (maurice)
[personal profile] apiphile
A GOOD THING: I tried the thing the internet suggested where you ask for an Americano with pumpkin spice syrup and then you get the joy a PSL without having to forfeit any other food that day. It worked.

A BAD THING: I think my expensive leggings went missing in the post.

A GOOD THING: That https://www.instagram.com/p/BZZDtXkhkjC/?taken-by=derekdesanges rockpool salad was straight up fucking incredible and jellyfish are not a scary food

A BAD THING: I cannot stop googling rent-on-your-own prices and I literally cannot afford to live, on my wage, even within commuting distance of my job, from outside of London, even WITHOUT FACTORING IN the additional cost of travel.

A GOOD THING: Obsessive Googling has led me to work out a cycle route to work that won't involve too much uphill on the way home (assuming I can actually get my bike down, which won't be until the builders have fucked off) and am not too petrified by London traffic on the way in. I can indeed use the remaining time to get myself in shape on the spinner to be able to handle 32km in one day.

A BAD THING: I am a fucking human scream made of directionless anxiety. WHY WON'T IT STOP. WHY WON'T IT STOP. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM.
andrewducker: (Default)
[personal profile] andrewducker
I've been paying attention to the many attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare)* and what's been really obvious in the last year is that the Republican majority don't actually want to repeal it.

There seem to be three different groups:
1) Republican Senators who can see that Obamacare is actually about as right-wing a way to have universal healthcare as you can get**, and don't actually want to get rid of it.
2) Republican Senators who may or may not be in favour of Obamacare, but can see that their constituents are now attached to their healthcare, will be furious if they lose it, and only have a slim majority which they are terrified of losing at the next election.
3) Republican Senators who really are against Obamacare.

The problem here is that all three groups need to pretend that they're in category (3), because they've spent the last decade telling their supporters how terrible Obamacare is, to the point where there are voters who support all of the individual parts of the bill, and even the "Affordable Care Act" but will be will be against Obamacare.

And the longer the ACA exists, and the more that voters understand about it (as is happening the more Republicans talk about it) the more popular it gets. To the point where a majority of the public are now in favour of it***. But the Republican Party now has a central point of belief that "Obamacare is bad".

Which means that in order to be against it, but not actually remove it, we're left with a few Republican Senators taking it in turns to vote against repeal, on various largely spurious grounds. Being very careful to say "Oh no, I hate Obamacare as much as the next person. But I can't vote to repeal it this time, because of a minor provision. Maybe next time." - and then the next time a _different_ Republican Senator can do exactly the same thing.

None of which means that Obamacare is safe. It's balanced on a bunch of senators believing that if they repeal it they'll lose their jobs. So every time a repeal bill is put forward they have to be persuaded _again_ that the public still cares. And I am very grateful for my US friends who are involved in getting people to phone their representatives every time it comes up.

But I am moderately hopeful that we'll make it through to the mid-terms without it being repealed. Because I don't think that a majority of the senate actually wants it to be.****


*There were over 50 of these between 2011 and 2014, goodness knows how many we're up to now
**Not surprising, as it's very similar to RomneyCare.
***But only 17% of registered Republicans. It's the swing voters who have moved.
****But don't trust me. This is just my impression from what I've read from, frankly, a long way away.
[personal profile] aly_ram_98 posting in [community profile] findthatbook
Im looking for a book that has a bunch of short stories. I sadly only remember one short story in it. It was a supernatural type of short story book. I read it in the YA section about 6 years ago. The short story I remember I believe was one of the first stories in it. I don't remember much, but i remember for sure that it was about a vampire who owned an old movie theater. He would microwave his blood in the office and he would walk around the theater. I believe there was a girl in the theater who wirked there, and I'm pretty sure there was some romance in it as well. I can't remember that much about it, but I know the movie theater thing was for sure, which I hope narrows it down since there's not many like that. It was a short story that was one of the first stories in the book. I hope I can find it. :)

(no subject)

Sep. 23rd, 2017 01:56 am
apiphile: (not enough fart jokes)
[personal profile] apiphile
HOORAY I just fucking logicked and maths'd myself into "and that's why you should just go kill yourself".

my life isn't all coffee and witches

Sep. 22nd, 2017 08:59 pm
apiphile: (henry scott tuke)
[personal profile] apiphile
In "I'm not having a very good day" news:

1. Bad sleep thank you the builders for literally just drilling by my head all morning
2. Weigh-in day went badly in that I've managed to fucking gain back over a kilo in a week despite adhering to diet and doing the monster cardio so I FEEL JUST *GREAT* ABOUT MYSELF THANKS
3. Split lips
4. Despite good weather & breakfast even post-warm-up my workout faltered on the crosstrainer, my legs just would not DO what I wanted from them. I doubt this was much improved by being thoroughly dispirited by weigh-in. Noped out and went off to do yoga.
5. Doing maths in my head regarding budget and even if I curb the tendency to spend on frivolous crap I would not be able to afford to eat and travel every day without Linds paying me back stuff at the end of the month, which considering how little I pay him in rent is thoroughly fucking humiliating. Not really sure where to economise beyond "take busses all the time" and "savers range food and never mind how badly it fucks up your diet". Oh and of course everyone's favourites, "no more fancy coffees" and "stop going out anywhere", because you know, the £1.50 I spend on lime & soda is the problem.
6. Fatigue
7. Anyway I managed to get out of the house but due to aforementioned issues about money didn't treat myself to the paltry Costa Americano or anything else, just got a free Waitrose coffee and tried to avoid making eye contact with people on the train and failed. (A small plus: my hideous pink running shorts came. They exactly match the writing on the Dream Daddy crop. I am ready to ruin people's eyeballs with this outfit as soon as I can go somewhere in it).
8. Arrived at work: immediately had someone on one social media feeding me the "London is a terrible concrete hell and my rent is much cheaper" line (I'm sure it is, much as the rent in prison is notoriously cheap, but I CANNOT GO ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE AND I NEED CONSTANT STIMULATION OR I GO MAD); someone on another social media decided my advice to a friend was for her and huffed at me about it, then about eighty people on Tumblr put my back up.
9. Small bonus: managed to write more garbage for Liza. Learned that the World's End pub in Camden used to be the Old Mother Red Cap, named after the excellent Mother Damnable, Jinney Bingham, a wonderfully cursed woman who was immediately dubbed a witch and a murderer.
10. "SEMEN is thought to have been pumped into a soap dispensary in Detroit airport and used by passengers."

I'm... clearly not having the worst of all possible days since no one has decided to jizz in the soap.
andrewducker: (Default)
[personal profile] andrewducker
Jane and I went up to Nethy Bridge, near Aviemore, and stayed at the Lazy Duck in one of their Eco-Lodges. Which is a cabin built for two, with electricity, gas cooking, and (distant, wobbly) wifi, right next to a large duck pond full of a variety of different species of ducks.
Loads of photos and four videos )

Interesting Links for 22-09-2017

Sep. 22nd, 2017 12:00 pm
andrewducker: (Default)
[personal profile] andrewducker
apiphile: (maurice)
[personal profile] apiphile
who i wish i was:

reads in cafes for FUN instead of desperately trying to shovel research material into his easily-distracted face; experiences emotions about movies then doesn't immediately get angry about having them; goes to classes & talks a lot and gets to meet new people and do cool stuff; goes to more parties and clubs; is good at making new friends; does not centre his entire life around writing one book a year and his calorie intake; is better-dressed; eats whatever the fuck he wants; learns and retains new skills

who i am:

broke; punishingly shy & filled with self-loathing; entire self-worth hinges on fuckability (none) and overachieving volume of writing & quality of writing despite managing neither; fat & obsessed with that fact; incapable of going to any social event alone unless very very primed for that already; gets stuck in ruts all the time; refuses to add people on fb or other social media after meeting them at parties even when they ask me like 90 times and even fucking give me business cards with their fb profile on pointedly because they "really liked hanging out" like oh you fucking idiot i am a neurotic bag of screams and i never shut up; never sleeps properly; resents everything; eating disorder

Tumblr tags:

#this post brought to you today by not being able to sign up to a bookbinding class#because it was too expensive#i s2g when i actually manage to go to classes i enjoy them?#i do... have a very bad habit of trying to avoid people i've met via social situations#even if i really like them#i just feel like a fraaaauuuuuud and they'll FIND ME OUT#and realise that i'm both boring and COMPLETELY INSANE

(no subject)

Sep. 21st, 2017 09:19 pm
apiphile: (did it on purpose)
[personal profile] apiphile
Working through something creative - I don't care how pretentious this sounds - and reached the conclusion that actually despite the obnoxiously loud voices suggesting otherwise, it isn't actually MY JOB to push myself to create stories that I resent making & feel forced into. There are definitely social issues and experiences I want to explore which lie outside of my own immediate sphere but there are also limitations on how far I should bend to satisfy - there are always other writers writing who you can and should support if they're giving you what you want - and one thing I primarily know, having explored it very thoroughly both recently (Soft Inheritance) and longer ago (The Other Daughter, Tame, ASAH) with a number of stories is that with a couple of exceptions (The Grandmother Virus and the weird science body swap story) I don't want to or feel happy with writing female protagonists as the main voice of a novel any more. It's not my story & it's close to one that feels like entrapment for me.

I know a lot of cis women readers want to see themselves in fiction in a widely expanded variety of roles & stories and I wholeheartedly support it (and read it), I'm just not the person to provide it. I'm here to write damaged boys, some of whom are gonna be trans, some Gods, some disabled, some not the same race as my pasty white ass - but they're probably going to be boys.

---

Did an exercise. https://www.instagram.com/p/BZTz4TZhO-r/?taken-by=derekdesanges - caption involves a remark about calorie information so if you want to avoid specific numbers don't click

{I'm exhausted and want this week to be over, and I want to have the time to write stupid fic and also to actually do more work for the book and I want to stop fucking things up and I want to, especially, settle on one fucking consistent and pleasantly warm body temperature and have my GARBAGE CORPSE stick to it instead of either sweating or shivering, also fuck chest pains and especially fuck being dizzy and confused so much of the time).

Icon appropriate for once

Sep. 21st, 2017 12:53 am
apiphile: (the trick)
[personal profile] apiphile
Y'know just in case people think I go into the gym or into NaNo with a spring in my step and joy in my heart: I am as filled with hate as everyone else for grinding away at things that are difficult, and there is no point in asking me what my "tactic" is, my tactic is just bullying and refusing to let myself go anywhere until I've done the thing I have said I'm doing. Effectively I use the "tactic" my mother used on me as a child, minus the bugs and the physical pain.

It's kind of depressing to see it touted as "self-discipline" or "self-control". I hold myself prisoner because I don't know how to motivate myself with positivity. I don't think there's anything particularly heartening about that.

(no subject)

Sep. 20th, 2017 10:37 pm
apiphile: (a story where you go eat a dick)
[personal profile] apiphile
I will spare you the amount of my day that was eaten up by thoughts about either working out or gay airmen.

This recent PewdiePie thing (Google it if you're not already fucking aware) made me think a long time about what my own knee-jerk insults in the heat of anger reveal about me; certainly I've never resorted to racism even in the confines of my own head and I feel like it's mainly because it was so alien when I was forming myself; my own insecurities are the foundation of my worst automatic rage-insults & they're not especially surprising: stupid, fat, lazy, pointless - things which demonstrate unloveability which is wholly self-inflicted due to delusion or lack of effort. I think it's probably a common fear.

Interesting Links for 20-09-2017

Sep. 20th, 2017 12:00 pm

(no subject)

Sep. 20th, 2017 12:46 am
apiphile: (quite enjoying this)
[personal profile] apiphile
Also minor health concern, outside of the recurring chest tightness; non-stop bleeding from various mucus membranes.
apiphile: tom hardy as billy prior (ha bloody fucking ha)
[personal profile] apiphile
No progress on anything today! No time!

1. The squishy silicon earplugs worked a fucking TREAT and even blocked out HELL PARTNERS horrible snoring, I may just wear them all the time forever apart from the bit where they make the insides of my ears bloody wet. Anyway, I overslept by an hour so there was NO TIME FOR ANYTHING.
2. Gym was fine. Solution to energy problems apparently: put banana in your breakfast, hate everyone at the gym.
3. Found my damned RippedKit delivery shoved in the plastic bag the builders are using for post, meaning that no one can find post. But I have it now. https://www.instagram.com/p/BZO5bUch4aw/?taken-by=derekdesanges
4. Made HELLA mushroom soup. Need more mushrooms. Need time to go buy more mushrooms in. MUSHROOMS.
5. Tried to acquire more layers so I don't FREEZE tomorrow morning like I did this morning. Also this time: no eating mould.
6. Arrived to work to find HR have apologised over the gym subsidy (YES GET FUCKED); but by way of bad news I've just had a tonne of money docked for a fucking dumb mistake so I'm definitely net down and this: https://ko-fi.com/derekdesanges remains pertinent. Also being nice about my books on social media with links in the hopes that your friends buy them >:(
7. Boss: Do you want your name changed on the email system
Email system: YOU CAN'T ACCESS THE SERVICE DESK LOSER
Boss: ... Do you want me to service desk your service desk issues then
8. I should keep a record of which images make me say "I want to go home" internally
9. Speaking of which, I dreamed I'd moved to a different part of London where the branding was yellow and red. I liked it, but kept missing the dark green council stuff of my Borough. I feel more at home in Haringey than I have anywhere else which is somehow appropriate given that it's both highly intellectual and also a fucking stabby drug-addled dump.
10. Would do a murder for either warm walnut bread or rosemary ciabatta and balsamic vinegar round about now but alas, it is only week four of cutting/cardio. Two more weeks to go.

PS: Since neither of my partners will PUT COVERS ON THE BED or CLOSE A FUCKING WINDOW EVER I guess I sleep in all my clothes now

Interesting Links for 19-09-2017

Sep. 19th, 2017 12:00 pm

Fail from start to finish

Sep. 18th, 2017 08:50 pm
apiphile: (not enough fart jokes)
[personal profile] apiphile
"I will go to the gym."
The weather: foul
The builders: present
The energy: low despite caffeine (I think food is the answer, sigh)
"I will go to the gym in a bit."
The bed: comfortable
"I have got up and put on a t-shirt in preparation for going to the gym."
Legs: like lead
Enthusiasm: Gone
Bed: Calling.

Anyway what happened was it took me until about eleven to even force myself to go to the shop and buy vegetables, never mind any mythical "gym", and as predicted the builders insisted on interrogating me on suitcases (not ours), or as close to "interrogation" as you can get when two people speaking know literally ONE WORD of each other's languages and that word is "sorry" and neither of you are really feeling that.

Once out of the house I was too cold and too tired despite the sunshine to tackle a mere walk through the park; got the bus to Crouch End, bought loose vegetables, etc, etc, etc. Nothing of great interest. Came home again with EAR PLUGS as the builders are literally working on the wall right by my bedroom the week we're on nights. OF COURSE.

Achievement: edited and submitted the merman story to the anthology about water stuff.
Failure: couldn't even fucking nap because by the time the builders pissed off and stopped being loud Lindsay came back and snored at me.
Neutral: Finally got to read some more of my Yashim book as my brain was too reminiscent of soup to cope with research.

Oh, also the pub called me and I have a provisional booking pending me giving them a £50 deposit when they ask for it by the end of the month. So that's me birthday venue sorted.

Successfully puked up another scene on the interminably long fic I'm basically writing for Liza and Liza alone (she has strep throat now, so I suppose it constitutes a get-well present). Tragically had to miss out on going to the Kingsman II Premiere as offered by R because FUCKING WORK. But at least there's free bananas.

The Current Nonsense

I am amassing a list of pointless shit I want to own ahead of m'birthday

Book where boy is stuck in town

Sep. 17th, 2017 03:28 pm
[personal profile] chickengirlallie posting in [community profile] findthatbook
ive tried searching this everywhere, basically it's a book where a boy (teenager?) is trapped in some town, as in when he tries to leave it and run away no matter how far he runs he's still in the town. When he tries to run there some significance about how the trees looked the same or something or they all looked identical so he would get lost in the forest but still be in the town? Then, at some point, he uses a computer in a public library or something and has people waiting on him maybe, to search up like a name or a thing or something. This alerts like the government or some agency that it has been searched so they make a chat pop up on his screen asking like who he is and why he searched that, and he responds also asking "who r u". They figure this means he is a teenager since he used r and u. I think this happened at the end of the book? There might have been someone in the town trying to make him stay too, and there was something evil about the town? Thats about all i remember but its driving me crazy! anything helps thanks!
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